March 2012
1 post
kiemzi: Listen Up, People! →
kiemzi:
Oh, Hi! How are you?! I didn’t see you there! Well, here we are, only three days left in the WFMU 2012 Marathon! A week and a half ago, I couldn’t believe it was already marathon time again, now I can’t believe it’s coming to an end so soon. Hasn’t it been fun so far? Prizes and…
February 2012
2 posts
BREAKING: Megadeth Founder Throws Support Behind...
While the music world is abuzz with the recent statements of Megadeth guitarist/vocalist Dave Mustaine’s support of 2012 Republican presidential hopeful, Rick Santorum, the group’s long-time mascot, Vic Rattlehead, is making some earth-shattering revelations about his employer. “Over the years, I’ve tried to keep my professional and personal worlds separate, “ says Rattlehead (real name, Victor...
DESTROY ALL MUSIC!!! Lorne Michaels Has Got...
If Saturday Night Live viewers are getting the feeling producer Lorne Michaels is going out of his way to find bland, lifeless musical acts to perform, you aren’t far from the truth. KGRA has learned from an interview with an unnamed source deep within SNL, that Michaels is deliberately booking lame musical acts in an attempt to destroy the recording industry. “I think he hopes that when things...
January 2012
3 posts
Singer-Actress "Lana Del Lesandro" Takes NYC By...
NEW YORK, Saturday, Jan. 14 — Tonight, artist and impresario Andy Warhol Jr. introduced the city’s elite to the newest member of his “superstar” stable: 25-year-old chanteuse Lana Del Lesandro.
“Lana is fabulous,” said Warhol Jr., “and she’s destined for great things. You just look at her, and you know she’s a star.”
Del Lesandro is...
Seattle Scuzz-Rock Pioneers to be Celebrated at...
The Mentors, a band once considered Seattle’s “disgusting little secret” is being honored with a full exhibit exploring their controversial legacy at The Experience Music Project this April. “It’s about time Seattle paid tribute to us. I mean—aside from what their momma did last night,” says Mentors guitarist Eric Carlson aka “Sickie Wifebeater”, who formed the group in 1976 along with Steve...
Angered by Lennon Lyric Change Backlash, Cee Lo...
It seems that 2012’s first celebrity to exit planet earth will do so under his own power. Singer/musician/Sprite spokesperson, Cee Lo Green, who weathered a barrage of expletive filled attacks on the Internet this new year’s day, is going home—more specifically, to his home planet. Green issued a statement via his management this morning. “This pitiful planet no...
December 2011
2 posts
Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water:...
Editor’s Note: KGRA is doing something a little different this week by giving you a sneak peek into a chapter of a dissertation written by Joe John, one of our interns. He’s completing his doctoral thesis in Rap Metal this winter at the University of Phoenix. Good luck, Joe!
DJ LETHAL (DJ)
A year removed from their rousing success at Woodstock ‘99, in which the ...
Friends of Jilted Pearl Jammer Take Percussive...
It has been seventeen years since Lee Michaels has listened to a Pearl Jam album. When the logistics specialist from Mountlake Terrace, Washington saw that Cameron Crowe’s Pearl Jam documentary, “Twenty” was available on Netflix, he decided to watch it. “It was nice seeing the old footage at first, everybody had such crazy hair back then.” His fond reminiscence quickly turned to...
November 2011
2 posts
“Occupy Wall Street is a Haven for Satanic...
Folk singing legend, Joan Baez, has never been afraid to speak her mind. From protesting the Vietnam War to speaking out against the death penalty, Baez has given a voice to the downtrodden and exploited. People who would assume that Baez extends this support to the protestors of “Occupy Wall Street” would be wrong. “It’s with great trepidation that I report that ‘Occupy Wall Street’ has been...
French Onion Soup Industry Moves Quickly to...
While attendees to Glenn Danzig’s truncated Fun Fun Fun Fest performance in Austin, Texas are still reeling from the singer’s behavior on stage, the French onion soup industry is playing damage control. It seems that the former Misfits singer claimed to be suffering from a “deathbug” and demanded that promoters help restore the bemuscled crooner’s health before show time by providing him with a...
October 2011
2 posts
“Neal Schon’s New Romance Putting H.S.A.S. Reunion...
H.S.A.S., an early 80’s rock supergroup, comprised of Sammy Hagar, guitarist Neal Schon (Santana, Journey), session bassist Kenny Aaronson and drummer Michael Shrieve (Santana) released one album together, “Through the Fire” in 1984. The group disbanded after a short tour. “I was shocked when I got a call from Neal, telling me that he had gotten some offers from a promoter for H.S.A.S. to...
Thurston Moore Gets Ugly, Vows to “Take the...
While many music fans are still reeling from the announcement that music power couple Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore are splitting after an almost 30-year relationship, it seems that Sonic Youth guitarist, Thurston Moore, has fired the opening salvo in what might prove to be the biggest divorce in independent rock and roll. Moore has filed in a Connecticut court for complete legal custody of...
September 2011
2 posts
KGRA EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW! Bill Berry Reacts to...
Bill Berry was a founding member of R.E.M. He ruled the band’s drum throne from 1980 to 1997. After leaving R.E.M., Berry left the music business and retired to a farm in Georgia. KGRA contacted him for his remarks on the end of the group he helped form. KGRA: Thanks for taking our call, Bill. I hope we didn’t wake you. Bill Berry: No problem. I’ve been awake since 4 a.m. I had some alfalfa...
August 2011
1 post
VAN-SHAKEUP!!! Wolfgang Van Halen Leaves Group,...
The reunited classic Van Halen lineup is soldiering on, even after the loss of their newest member, bassist Wolfgang Van Halen. “I’d had enough. Nobody told me what a pain in the ass it was working with family. My dad was always yelling at me, telling me not to be such a show off. How do you show off on a bass? What-ever. My uncle was even worse. He kept telling me to lose weight and that...
July 2011
2 posts
Brian Eno Takes Onanism Ambient with Latest...
“Ambient 5: Music for Masturbation” is the long awaited addition to the series of ambient music collections Brian Eno began in the early 1970s. Mr. Eno answered some questions about the album via e-mail. What was the genesis of this project? “I was discussing the fermentation techniques of the Benedictine monks with Phil Manzanera while on holiday in Montserrat, when I first hit on the idea. ...
Jack White Gets “Owned” by Jaden Smith in “The...
Former White Stripe, Jack White has signed on to star in the Jon Favreau directed remake of the 1982 Richard Donner film, “The Toy”. White will be playing the role originated by Richard Pryor. White will be Jack Brown, an unemployed blues singer from post-Katrina New Orleans. The owner of the most popular conservative television news channel in the country, U.S. Bates (Kelsey Grammer), hires...
June 2011
4 posts
Juggalos Strike Back, Take Aim at Alternative...
A rash of Juggalo on comedy nerd-violence has broken out across the United States. The violence is being attributed to a backlash from fans of the rap group, Insane Clown Posse, against a series of public slights by comedians in recent months. “Yo, I’m getting tired of motherfuckers with glasses and beards laughing at me and saying I don’t know how magnets work. I’m throwing down,” says...
“I’m No Hoarder, I’m a Collector,” says Neil...
Neil Young has always been known as a passionate person. From music, to politics, to charity, when it comes to Young, there are no half measures. He even released an album titled, “Are You Passionate?” in 2002. It is no secret that among these passions is model trains. Young is a life-long collector and was a minority shareholder in the Lionel Model Train Company for many years. What many...
Ghost of Benjamin Orr says, “I Was Frozen Out of...
Not everybody is excited about the reunion of 80’s hitmakers, the Cars. In fact, some call it hardly a reunion at all. “They never reached out to me once. Those guys were my brothers. I don’t deserve to be treated this way in this realm or any other.” says the Cars’ former singer/bassist, Benjamin Orr, via a Ouija Board in KGRA’s offices. “This ‘reunion’ is a fraud as far as I’m concerned.” ...
W. Axl Rose Has an Appetite for Democracy
“I have been spending a lot of time in foreign countries the last few years touring the latest G N’R album, ‘Chinese Democracy’, and I was shocked how little democracy some countries have,” says Axl Rose. “It’s not just China. Some countries don’t even have a constitution. They can change the game in mid-play and they don’t even have to ask anyone. It’s bullshit.” Rose feels so strongly...
May 2011
3 posts
Bob Dylan: "I've Battled $25-a-day Addictions All...
On the heels of a recently unearthed 1966 interview, in which a young Bob Dylan discussed overcoming a heroin addiction, the legendary singer sat down for an exclusive chat with KIM GORDON’S REAL AGE about his other heroic battles against dependency:
“It started when I was a kid,” Dylan began, “and I became obsessed with Pez. I ate ‘em by...
3 tags
Rapper Lil B to Promote Marie Callender's
PMCI, Inc. announced a new partnership today with emerging internet sensation Lil B. The rapper, real name Brandon McCartney, signed a deal that will make him the new face of the Marie Callender’s brand. “I’m ecstatic,” said McCartney. “I’ve been talking about cooking, now I’m getting into the whole food business. This is definitely based for life.”
For their part, PMCI...
80’s Soul Songstress Prepares for “Rapture”...
“Twenty five years just blew by like –‘POOF’. It surprised me just as much as anyone,” says singer Anita Baker.“ She is of course referring to the 25th anniversary of her 1986 album, “Rapture.” The album went on to sell eight million copies and garner the singer two Grammys. “To be honest, I haven’t paid much attention to anniversaries. I still make albums and perform all over the world. ...
April 2011
4 posts
RINGO STARR ARRESTED IN TEXAS OVER RESTAURANT BILL
Former Beatles Drummer Ringo Starr was arrested in Houston, Texas this weekend after an incident in a local restaurant. Starr was enjoying a meal with his wife, Barbara Bach, and a small group of friends at the chain restaurant, BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse last Friday night. The staff called police after Starr became loud and belligerent when he was asked to sign his credit slip. “He just...
Slash Sued for 15 Million Dollars Over Snake...
A Pensacola, Florida snake farmer will soon have his day in civil court, stemming from a 15 million dollar lawsuit against rock guitarist Slash. The snake farmer claims that Slash (real name, Saul Hudson) owes for the breeding, feeding, and care of over 15,000 snakes that the guitarist commissioned from the farmer. “Slash’s management contacted me on his behalf and said that they were preparing...
Fred Durst Collaborates on Alternate History...
2009 was a rough year for Fred Durst. His band, Limp Bizkit, was just one of many once platinum selling groups forced to confront the changing tides of the music business. “It was hard, son,” Says Durst. “We went from stadiums to club gigs in the blink of an eye— all thanks to illegal downloading. Things got so bad, that we had to sell the giant stage crapper we crawl out of at our...
March 2011
3 posts
J Mascis to Release Album of Standards
Fresh off of his SXSW appearances, former Witch drummer J Mascis announced a new recording project - an album of old standards.
“I’m really excited about it,” said Mascis (real name Dinosaur J. Mascis, Jr.), who also has spent some time playing guitar and singing with small, indie-rock bands. “I’ve been looking to do a project like this for a long time, and I...
IBM’s Watson Takes SXSW Social Scene by Storm with...
After making a splash on “Jeopardy” last month, IBM’s supercomputer is taking it easy this March by attending the SXSW conference in Austin, Texas. “We expected Watson to spend most of the month running a complete memory diagnostic, but when we told it that, Watson said, ‘Whatevers, dude’ and just took off” says Janson Baird, one of the supercomputer’s programmers. “We wanted to stop Watson,...
King Diamond Forced to Flee Kingdom
Singer King Diamond has joined a long list of troubled dictators this week by fleeing his kingdom amongst large scale rioting and protests by his subjects. Diamond’s problems began when Wikileaks released U.S. State Department cables describing widespread financial mismanagement of his kingdom’s finances. The cables reveal that Diamond has spent millions on corpsepaint stage makeup, imported...
February 2011
2 posts
Varg Vikernes to Introduce Signature Line of Hot...
Notorious black metal musician, Varg Vikernes aka “Count Grishnackh” who just finished a 16 year prison sentence in 2009 for murdering a bandmate and burning several churches in his native Norway is playing with fire of a different sort, via a line of “brutal” hot sauces.
“When I was in prison, I worked in the kitchen; I had no access to musical instruments at first, so I quickly found that I...
…And Then They Were Three… Again. Genesis Reform,...
“I hadn’t smoked reefer in years,” says Genesis bassist / guitarist Mike Rutherford, just before taking a large hit off a joint the size of breakfast sausage link. “I was going through some guitar cases that were going to storage, when I came across this plastic bag full of herb. I decided to smoke some for old times sake. I got instantly blown. I picked up the guitar and just started...
January 2011
2 posts
U.S. House Votes to Withdraw Funding from Grateful...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emotionally charged but likely symbolic measure, the House of Representatives voted to reverse the Obama administration’s most treasured but most controversial stimulus measure: federal subsidizing of the Grateful Dead’s massive, 70-hour “Complete Europe ‘72” box set.
“In this era of runaway...
NBC: "We're Using ALL the Songs From 'Planet...
UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif.: In order to meet an FCC demand, NBC will be featuring the remaining 10 songs from Bob Dylan’s “Planet Waves” album as TV show themes next fall, the broadcaster has announced.
“It doesn’t stop with ‘Parenthood’,” said a spokesman. “The FCC won’t let the Comcast deal go through unless we meet this condition; they...
December 2010
5 posts
1 tag
Best Albums of 2010 (Jon)
What a year for music! 2010 saw the release of countless new sounds and artists making a name for themselves across a variety of genres, from outsider folk to outsider folktronica. Here are my picks for the year that was (2010).
1.) Jandek - Seersucker/Minneapolis Monday/Worm Face/Salutations/Empty Glass/Your Private Space/Elements of Paper/Unfurled As A Blanket/Grass Fed/Lying Down...
Drake Goes “Duck”, McG Feathers Nest
KGRA has learned that Canadian-born R&B sensation, Drake, has signed on to star in the Marvel Pictures reboot of the Howard the Duck movie franchise. “We are taking ‘Howard’ in a new direction,” says Kevin Fiege, president of production at Marvel Studios. “The new Howard is more street-savvy, he dresses in the best clothes, eats the finest foods, and drinks the finest champagnes. If...
Top Album Picks for 2010 (Robert)
1. Kanye West –Kanyicity
2010 has really been Kanye West’s year and “Kanyicity” is the icing on the cake.
Kanye hyping over Sting and the fellows is just what the original Police swan song needed back in 1983. This is Kanye at his most pure, playing a tape of Synchronicity on a boom box, riffing and recording the results. Perfect.
2. The Black-Eyed Peas sing Aldo Nova
Wil.I.Am and crew...
2 tags
George W. Bush to Join the Rock Bottom Remainders
Hot on the heels of a recent press tour and an announced 1 million book sales, Decision Points author and former president George W. Bush will be joining the rock and roll combo the Rock Bottom Remainders, according to a joint statement issued by Bush and the group. The band, which includes authors Stephen King, Dave Barry, Amy Tan and Mitch Albom along with marketing guru Matt Groening, is...
Metallica Shocker: Former Bassist Found Alive,...
In an amazing turn of events, former Metallica bassist Cliff Burton, who was thought to have been killed in a bus accident in 1986, is actually alive and well and living in a remote Swedish village. The band was touring Sweden when their bus skidded off the road and landed on its side, ejecting the bassist and supposedly killing Burton when the bus landed on him. “I was thrown...
November 2010
5 posts
ITunes Starts Black Friday Early With 1 Cent...
Not interested in braving the 4 am cold this Friday for great deals? This year, Apple is letting you take advantage of a great bargain without even leaving your computer. The online retailer is offering an ITunes exclusive Carlos Santana / G.G. Allin duet, “She Gives Good Hep-C” for one cent. Santana recorded the duet for his new album “Guitar Heaven”, but found that the track didn’t mesh with...
Vocalist Mike Patton is Rushed to Hospital After...
Attendees to a recent performance in Denver, Colorado by Mike Patton witnessed the singer experience a thirty-five minute seizure. Officials are blaming the venue’s craft services for providing Patton with a contaminated crabcake before the event. “He just started spewing white foam from his mouth, throwing himself on the stage, and letting out this horrible howl,” says concertgoer, Susan...
Who…Who…Who--is that Kid Dressed Like an Owl at...
Many attendees to the west coast shows of the recently reunited Guided by Voices have found themselves face to face with a young man dressed as an owl, dancing near the front row. The “Owl-Boy” as he is being referred to on the Guided by Voices fan-run message board, was first seen at the group’s Matador 21 show in Las Vegas, but he has put in appearances at all of the group’s west coast...
Dos Become Tres, Sign to Prawn Song
Former Arkansas Governor and current Fox TV pundit Mike Huckabee has joined forces with former Minuteman bassist, Mike Watt and former Black Flag bassist Kira Roessler’s all bass guitar musical group, Dos, which will now be known as Tres. “Mike just called me up out of the blue one day and said he was going to be driving through Pedro and asked if I wanted to jam. I wasn’t doing anything,...
The Licks Regroup Post-Juliette, Add Some Irons to...
“We thought we were dunzo when Juliette left,” says Licks bassist Jason Womack, taking a long hit off a four foot bong in their Culver City rehearsal studio. “After all those years of rockin’, it was like ‘bye-bye birdie’ and away she flew.” After the Licks original lead singer, Juliette Lewis, decided to return to acting, the band took some time off and even considered throwing in the towel,...
October 2010
8 posts
Tea Party Celebrity Supergroup Plays First Show
KGRA was on hand when a new conservative musical power trio, consisting of Ted Nugent, Maureen Tucker, and Vincent Gallo took the stage in Dover, Delaware at a fundraiser for Tea Party senate candidate Christine O’Donnell. The group calls themselves “The Freedom Wing”. Nugent was electric from the moment he took the stage via a zip line, landing with a tuck and roll. He shot three flaming...
Eddie Vedder Turns Catholic, Solves Mysteries,...
It’s only October but NBC is already hyping what they expect to be the jewel of their Summer 2011 TV lineup. In “Don’t Call Me Father”, grunge rocker Eddie Vedder plays, “Father Eddie” a Catholic priest who goes against the wishes of the Vatican and starts up paranormal investigation business. Father Eddie is soon joined by a familiar face, the ghost of Kurt Cobain. “The Catholics think...
Rejected Keith Richards Autobiography Titles
Tumblin’ Dice
Satis-fiction
Turd on the Run
Nerd on the Run
Sympathy for the Dealer
Start Me Up: How Windows 95 Changed the Industry and Launched a Computer Revolution
Get Yer Kindles Out!
“A SHOVELESS MARRIAGE? A SHOVELESS MARRIAGE?????”
– Sample lyrics from Soul Asylum’s new single “Everybody Shoves Raymond.” Be sure to also check out the B-side “I Shove the 80’s,” for Dave Pirner’s thoughts on how he thinks Prince sucks